The Raya Spirit

Is the Raya Spirit still there? To be honest growing up, little by little it is fading. When I asked my TESL mates, they weren't up for it. They didn't feel the spirit of enjoying Raya. I felt a bit down. The usual preparations I usually do for Raya: Pick out clothes, Buy Raya cards & give them to friends. I wanted to do that. Distribute Raya Cards to my classmates and close friends. But now I don't do that. Not this year. When I told my friends that I did this for the past few years they don't really rejoice the idea of receiving Raya Cards. Down to the dumps I go. They told me that nowadays cellphones have enpowered the act of giving cards and people would more likely send sms's than cards. "We're the Gen Y," they said.

"I don't give a damn about the GEN Y." -inner me. ;(

Now here in JB, I'll be celebrating Raya at JB this year though I usually celebrate both JB and Perak. I guess Perak have to wait. I wanna share a story of what happened yesterday.

I was facinated by the idea of making ketupats. HEHE, I don't know how to make them. Do you? Well, if you do, Well done. I solute you but to those who can't, Ceh. Somehow, there are so many new learners to learn the way of making the ketupat. Even those who are as old as my mother. Myahahaha!

So yesterday, I sat down with my mother learning how to make a ketupat and came one - two of my cousins who sat down as well in the living room of my tokmak's house learning to make ketupat as well. And when the crowd of makcik makcik, auntie auntie joins the group, everyone is learning how to make ketupat. I feel a little happy sharing this Raya spirit. Even just a little. At least it's still here.

Well, not to forget: Independence Day is just around the corner too. So it's gonna' be a collaboration celebration.Yiiiiippppppiiiieeee~

My Asasi Tests

I have tests, and more tests. When is this going to end? I dislike studying for tests. When did I ever liked them anyway? Here is how it goes for me. Starting with Tomorrow. I repeat, TOMORROW:

8.30AM - 10.30AM : GRAMMAR TEST
10.30AM - 12.30PM : MALAYSIAN STUDIES LECTURE as usual
12.30PM - 2.00PM : MALAYSIAN STUDIES TEST
2.30PM - 4.00PM : IN- CLASS ASSIGNMENT FOR GRAMMAR *this is graded ya'know?*

And you know what, we know when's our finals for this semester. It doesn't look pretty.
Weeeeee~

19/9/2011 - TSL 021(Writing) (9AM -12 PM)
20/9/2011 - TSL 011(Reading) (9AM- 12 PM)
21/9/2011 - TMS 071(M'Sian Studies)(9AM- 12 PM)
22/9/2011 - TSL 031(Listening & Speaking) (9AM- 12PM)
23/9/2011 - TSL 041(Grammar) (8AM- 12PM)
25/9/2011 - CTU081(Islamic Studies) (2PM - 4.30PM) *why on a Sunday? grrr*

Fun right? After the finals, will officially end my first semester of Asasi TESL. Wee~ Thank Goodness. I hope I will get good grades and be seated in a good class next semester. If I ever make it to the next semester in one piece. InsyaAllah. :)

Furthermore, I want to study in peace for my MUET in November. That's the real challenge if I want to do a Degree in TESL. My Aim is Band 5 people! But the TESL Degree requirements is a Band 4. No worries. Just Dream Big, Aim High. To everyone taking their exams, Goodluck to all and Happy Raya. One more week to go. Yiiippppiiieeeee!!!

Steps towards Independence pt 1

Part 1? Like a story. No? Just a chronicle I guess.

I made up my mind. As I step out into the outside world where I have no parents to keep tabs on me, I'm going to be an independent person. Is it too late to do so? Hmm, Naaaahhh. Today, for me is kinda dull, doesn't suit the usual way I always lead my life. But I'm safe and sure of myself. I haven't really talked very much today. I kept quiet most of the time too. I only talked when I'm talked to and when I'm asking inquiries. I didn't forget to smile - thanks Muhd Nurhaziq, it helps. I stayed positive. It took a while for people to talk to me, but it didn't matter if it had only be a person or two today. I'm rising up from my depression little by little. I'm searching a whole new motivation on my own feet. Not letting the over obsessed me take over my senses and lose my concentration. What concentration? My Goal - A Focus point. I came to my senses that I am here to study and do my best in Asasi TESL so that I can continue TESL for my degree program. Second of all, I want to continue TESL at University Malaya. How can I forget my dream to study in UM? Noooooo... Finally after setting my priorities straight - thanks Nabihah Ruslan, I'm going to Dream Big, Aim High. I'm tired being in this depression. I'm still failing at a lot of things but I'm going to make up for the lost effort in the past Now. InsyaAllah. :)

For those who gave support and comfort, thank you.

Good Bye Farah Syahirah

Had my last Dinner with Farah Syahirah from Class E, Asasi TESL. :)

A friend I first encountered because she was my cousins roommate. My cousin is an Asasi Law student and she was the only Asasi TESL student in that room. The first few weeks knowing her were fun. We became good friends. Now she's going away, the number of Asasi TESLian decreases. But she went away to a better place to study. Hope her ambition will be better realized there at the new place. Amin. Good bye my friend.

Positivity

I kind of wondered where all my positivity went? I've been clouded by negative thoughts lately and I can't imagine that I used to be so cheerful and optimistic all the time. How was I so positive before? I forgot. Can anyone come up with an answer for that? I think only those who knew me way back could only help me figure that out. Calculating, there's not much to count of: Friends.I have few and those few, every time they asked me if I were to be okay, I'd say, I'm okay; I'm doing fine. To tell you the truth, I'm not.

What kind of person was I back then? The always smiling, giving-hope-to-people person. Now I'm really delusional with thoughts of negativity. A friend around told me to be positive but to be frank, I forgot how to be positive. I've been stabbed in the back too hard this time, so it's going to be very hard to get back on my feet again. Sorry people who actually care about me - if there's any.

"It's going to alright for sure." -How is that helping me now?

I Know

You know something? Of cause you don't. I haven't started talking about what I'm supposed to tell. I haven't blog for a long time since I lost track of a lot of things. I think I had lost track of a lot of things lately, I can't do anything about it. Besides that, I found out something new about me that has always been me. Note to self; is today's entry from me is all about.

There are only few people I can really trust on. And people who I can rely on. But that doesn't seem to help a lot too. There's actually no one I can rely on. Why have I only noticed that now? Am I delusional or naive or dense or just plain stupid. But since I still believe in GOD (ALLAH) and the six pillars of Iman, I shall not go with the last option. No, I'm not stupid. But I shall consider the other 3 options of what I am.

To prove that I'm still sane and still have a sheer amount of  courage to live my life as a loner; somebody easily forgotten, used to be discriminated for half worth of my life; I will start to live with the fact I live for myself now on. Even though I'm easily affected by the people around me, sensitive almost about everything people do and get insanely emotional about it; I'll live for myself this time. My heart had been hurt for too long now and no one seems to care more or less. What is left for me to do? Allah, is testing. I will place myself into recognizing this is my chance to fall in love with HIS nature even though it's gonna' take time. Allah is Al-Patient and Al-Knowing; HE will understand.

I shall devote myself to what I should believe in from the very start. ISLAM. My guidance and companion if there is no hope left; no one to remind me but myself. I wonder how hard can it be?

I wonder how many will read this?   :(

Puasa

Fasting,

In Ramadhan.
Is very tiring,
For the first 10 days, Usually.

Today,
I had a MUET Workshop,
On Listening & Speaking.
At the Faculty at Education, UiTM.
It was fun fun fun!
I talked so much,

I lost my voice, Almost. :P

So, Tomorrow,
I still need to work as hard as today,
Because I have loads of Journals,
To write and review,
And send up next week,

DAMN.
Creative project for Malaysian Studies,
I haven't make it yet. -.-
In conclusion:
Loads of work + Not much sleep = Crazy person chasing a possible Dream.

Wish me luck, all the best. Happy Fasting in Ramadhan. :)

A FEW WORDS

I MISS HOME. I MISS THE KIND GENTLE VOICE OF MY MOM CALLING MY NAME. I WANT TO CRY MISSING HER RIGHT NOW AS IT IS THE ONLY WAY OF ME EXPRESSING MY FEELINGS. MY TEARS HAS ALWAYS BEEN THERE FOR ME. SO IS ALLAH. YA ALLAH, PLEASE BLESS MY MOTHER WITH JOY ON EARTH AND HEREAFTER. PLEASE BLESS ME AND MY FAMILY WITH YOUR LOVE AS WE ARE MERELY SERVANTS OF YOUR TRUE MIGHTINESS.

FRAGILE AND WEAK, THAT'S HOW I DESCRIBE MYSELF RIGHT NOW. I WANT TO BE IN YOUR EMBRACE SO MUCH RIGHT NOW, MOTHER. :(