I was so sure, so clear what he meant. The teacher currently teaching at that time stared sharply at me but ignored his eyes as much as I can. But it was hard to ignore the other 25 eyes cornering me in that class. I did something wrong, for sure. But I also know what I did wrong to the other 25 people in the class had no meaning if I ever mention it to them. None of them cared what I did except if is something humiliating; something they can make fun of me.
I was lining up the words in my head. I opened my mouth to speak. I was stammering. What was the big idea?! Now I was apologizing to my class? What for? I just called them "naughty bratz." I can say even harsh. But I thought for a while, it doesn't have to be fo complicated. No teacher needs to know the hardships I handle in my own class. It was kinda' silly.
There was a silence in the class for a moment. The teacher clearified the situation why I said my apologies. It had something to do with my absence in class through school last Monday after the event at the School's Main Hall. Everyone awed. Some of them started whispering, chuckling in a sinister way; either way, I was mocked at again. Deep within myself, I told myself:
"Not now. Seriously, not now. Don't cry..."
Crack! I was too soft. I can't hold in. I stilled cried. The deskmate I had beside me since last year, held onto my hand as I sat down. The teacher asked why she was comforting me in such a way. She stood up, confronting the whole class:
"Why is everyone make such a habit bullying her? Please stop it."
I was suprised how she stood up and said that to the whole class even in front of the physics teacher? It became the class topic by that time. In a way, The Teacher kept talking:
"Ainul, can't you see these people are not as good as you? You're not such a bad person, at least your sins had repented. We haven't seen yet their repents. Their jokes are harsh but note to self; and everybody else: "Ainul is a very sensitive person. Too sensitive. Don't play your jokes on her again."
My eyes were still on the desk where I wasn't strong anymore to look at anyone.
Physics class was over, so was school. I was brought to the rest room with my deskmate by my side. She told me, just let your heart out. Cry out as much as you want here. It was uneasy to cry in public, as in the block. Lots will make a big deal of crying. So I cried and cried until it was almost 3.30 p.m. She asked if I was okay but that just made me worst. I wasn't crying but my tears just keep on flowing. I can't take the pain and humiliation I had.
I prayed my Zohor prayers in the mosque. In my prayers, I kept on crying. It wetten my face; the tears. As I was done. I ran into Amy. She saw me, and saw what happened to me.
"What's wrong? Hey! I told you, don't cry all by yourself. Tell me what's wrong."
I told her everything. What happened in physics class and all my pain, the problems I had, even the hopes and dreams I have for myself. I guess having said enough, I stopped crying. It was 4 o' clock in the evening. I cried so long I was tired. I went straight to my bed my slept so deeply in slumber till' 6.00 p.m. As I woke, my eyes were sore. I didn't care how I look but took a a bath anyway. We had tuition class that evening but I wasn't in high spirits. I was even worse to show my face in class.
There, Khalishan and Syahir showed up as usual. Wasim was not an exception. They were my bestfriends in class. Khalishan looked at me long and calmly spoke to me:
"You're eyes look small."
"Really?"
"Not really."
I guess, I have small eyes either way; I cried or not. But then we talked our usual way. In way, it build my self-cautious.
"You were crying. I emphatized you. Syahir is the jerk. He laughed but Firdaus quickly fidgetted him and he stopped laughing."
Thank you... Those were the words I wish to convey. Surely.
Nur Lidiya binti Mohd Ridzuan
Mohd Khalishan bin Mohd Alias
Muhd Firdaus bin Salim; &
Ahmad Syahir bin Mazlan
You have no idea how much this means to me. How much your friendship is worth to me. In the havoc of my school days, in the misrable classroom we study together in, the happiness and laughter you guys brought to me made my days less misrable. It was hope. i can't imagine how I could live through that class without the four of you.
You are certainly MY SUPER DUPER SAVIORS OF 5E4. I love you.
note*** I just felt like writting a long post. I was bored.
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