It's been such a long and boring one week of the holidays for me. I'm trapped in my own confusion now. It seems I've been thinking so much of what I've done with myself and how much I'd paid attention to those around me. I'm slowly giving up on things and giving up on myself. I don't see my own strength anymore. Maybe I'm not looking or I'm not seeing it hard enough. Simply not wanting it anymore. Cut to the chase, I'm tired of being pushed and need to quit pretending. Honestly, the simple truth is I see myself wanting to run back to my old school continuing leaning in the Science class where I left in the first place. I saw it. Myself being a coward of my own actions. Fell into a trap of lies that I saw now, that I easily taken it. How stupid I've become and I realize it when it's all too late. No, it can't be. If I did go back, what is left for me? I've done with all my strength to create something, create a chance for myself to make a difference, creating oppertunities. Will it all be worth it?
I miss my old school, my old friends, their smiles and cheerful voices ringing through my ears everyday. I won't forget all those smiles on their faces everyday at school. Oh, how much I wanted to tell them so many of my stories, my secrets but now those chances are gone. I could only hear them throught the silent buzz of the phone. Talking and chatting through the blank sceen on the Yahoo Messanger. Only to imagine how sweet their smiles could be in my dreams. Nothing felt so perfect to me like those blistful days of my dearest friends of SMK Hillcrest. All I can say about them now is, their all just memories now. "My memories." That I have left behind. So much I didn't remember to take them with me. Again, how I am regretful I didn't notice this would happen to me.
My hearts aches so hard for them...
